Bark. Bark. Dead.

I sit near the door during my math class, which is always open. Since I hate math with a passion, I always try to listen to what's going on out in the hallway. Today, I overheard 2 girls who were sitting against the wall outside of their classroom, waiting for their teacher to get there to let them in. They were having a conversation about the upcoming Valentines Day.

Girl 1: "I'm spending the day with my boyfriend. We're going to dinner and a movie, then back to his place for some much needed "us" time."
Girl 2: "I'm probably going to buy a big bag of Hershey's and share them with my dog."

Parents, please remember to spay and neuter your children.

Pencil Down The Hallway

People should be required to pass a test before they are allowed to reproduce. It's scary how some people either don't realize there are forms of birth control, or know they exist and just say, "Fuck it. I need the tax money."

Between the ages of 18-25 (18 is still a bit young, though you are an adult), having 1 kid is to be expected. From ages 25-35, 2-3 kids. Some may have more, some less, but there's usually a responsible timing plan involved somewhere. Along with the occasional "accident".

This girl, whom I am guesstimating to be 19 or 20, already has 4 kids. Possibly 5. Depends on how you translate what she said to her friend.

Baby Mama: "I wish men were more responsible. I hate having this baby daddy drama."
Friend: "Men are assholes. Which baby daddy is giving you shit?"
Baby Mama: "Mark."
Friend: "Which kid is his again?"
Baby Mama: "Janelle's, the second youngest."

I don't think it's the men in your life that need to be more responsible.

I Dare You! I Double Dare You Mother Fucker!

They say there's no such thing as a stupid question. That's true, to an extent. If you ask a question about relatively anything not being discussed, it's a fair question that deserves an answer. Even if the subject matter was just discussed and you have a question about something you didn't hear, understand, etc. That is also justifiable and warrants an answer, but, it could also be a dumb question, because you're too incompetent to follow along more than 2 sentences.

Case and point.

Walking out of my Operating Systems class, I overheard a teacher talking about one of their students to another teacher.

Teacher: "I swear to God. If she continues to ask a question after each and every last thing I say, I'm going to flunk that stupid bitch."

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner

You're in luck today/yesterday. I have 2 posts for you to read, love, hug, masturbate to, or whatever verb you wish to enact.

As Al Pacino once said in Devils Advocate, "Vanity. Definitely my favorite sin.", it is also the favorite sin of one kid who still likes to wear excessively baggy jeans that make rappers jealous, adorned with a TSA agents worst nightmare, 50,000 metal rings, pins, bars, etc. The gothic look that use to be cool back some 15 years ago.

In addition to his attire, he has the face that only a mother could love. A mother that most likely takes solace looking at her other children, who aren't as bad off as her son. At least I hope so. If not, I don't know who to feel worse for.

Anyways.

He's talking to, who I'm guessing is his friend, or some unfortunate soul that accidentally made eye contact with, about his girlfriends recent weight loss.

Goth Guy: "My girlfriend lost 14 lbs so far this month."
Unfortunate Guy: "That's cool. Bet you like her new body."
Goth Guy: "Actually, I don't. I'm going to break up with her because her boobs got a lot smaller from it."

I'm adding him to my new dating service I'm starting for the single women around Sinclair, "Last Resort".

Goth Guy and Red Scarf Herpy Guy from a few posts back are both presumably single now.

Oddly Specific

I apologize for the lateness of this post. Tuesday is my dart league night, and the bar we were throwing at does not have internet access. On top of that, I also had a bunch of homework to do/get completely wrong.

On with the lolz.

Ever smell something and can't quite think of the name of what it is? You know what the smell is, but you just can't spit the words out?

Today, the tunnel from the parking garage to building 3/4 had a very distinct smell, but I couldn't quite put my finger on it.

Luckily for me and everyone else in the tunnel that may have been pondering the name of said smell, someone was able to pinpoint the smell. Not just pinpoint it, but nailed, slammed dunked and donkey punched it.

"It smells like 4 and a half day old hotdog water in here."

The Ohio/Kentucky Border Is Blurring

Sometimes, I think the world is okay. Sometimes, I think the world is screwed up. Sometimes, I think the world is in fact going to hell in a hand basket. Today is one of those days.

I'm already plagued with worrying about passing my math class (12 years since taking a math class, so everything is brand new to me and very confusing). I already worry about politics and the fate of this country. I've got financial worries and all those wonderful burdens of life that everyone else has.

What I don't need, is to worry that the next chick I get with is related to her dad in more than one way.

Guy 1: "Would you care if I banged your cousin?"
Guy 2: "Of course I would, man."
Guy 1: "Why?"
Guy 2: "Because I already got dibs."
Guy 1: "What the fuck?"

I Don't Know Why Either

Some people need to realize that public bathrooms produce a rather loud echo when people talk inside them. This means that pretty much anything you say can/will be carried out into the hallway of whatever facility you are in.

Same is true for the bathrooms at Sinclair.

I was heading to the parking garage after my last class of the day, and there is a girls bathroom that I pass along the way (I'm a muhfukin poet). As I got near to said bathroom, I hear this girl talking to someone else. At least I hope she was talking to someone else. If not, then that adds a whole new level of crazy to this girl.

"I don't know why I buy scented tampons. My boyfriend says he can't even smell them."

I'm just gonna let that one sink in. Enjoy.

A Condom A Day...

Today's entry is more of a public service announcement than it is funny. Unless you are like me, and view tragedy as comedy.

During my 45 minute break before math class, I was sitting in the common area playing Angry Birds on my phone. Directly behind me were two guys talking about what they were going to do this coming weekend.

Guy #1: "Same game plan this weekend as last weekend? Head to the bar and find some chicks?"
Guy #2: "That depends on what the doctor tells me on Friday."
Guy #1: "The doctor? You sick?"
Guy #2: "Not technically. I went to the doctors on Tuesday for something else."
Guy #1: "What for?"
Guy #2: "Remember that chick I took home Saturday night?"
Guy #1: "Yeah."
Guy #2: ".....Yeah"
Guy #1: "Oh...Snap."

I'd say he's a good looking guy and wears a red scarf. Presumably single. Have at him, ladies.

Wonder If She's Related To Jared?

Ever wonder where a sudden craving comes from? For example, you're wondering what you want to eat for lunch or dinner. You think about it for a while, but can't figure out what you want to eat. Or maybe you don't even realize you're hungry and suddenly, out of nowhere, you have this irresistible urge for a certain something.

Well today, I figured out how it happens...at least how it happens for me.

Just left my English class (pattern?) when I saw this beautiful girl walking towards me with a group of her friends. As they walk past, I suddenly knew what I wanted for lunch.

"...even my bra smells like Subway."

Well, you know what they say...."Eat Fresh".

They Still Make Those?

Here's a conversation I got the pleasure of overhearing during English today (seems that my English class so far is good luck for these things).

This one isn't as shocking like the last one was, but it further solidifies that the new generations of kids/adults are lacking a major part of their brains.

A guy in the row ahead of me and a couple seats to the right, leaned over to the guy next to him and said/asked:

"Pssst." Yes, he actually made the "pssst" sound. "Do you know what page number we're on?"

The guy next to him said, "There's a book for this class?"

Facebook Never Lies

Two things clicked in my head the instant I heard this:

1.) I want to read the facebook comment thread where this originated from.
2.) I must start a blog to bring attention to the things people say out loud, whether they know there are people around or not.

A little background to this doozy.

It's Tuesday afternoon, roughly 2pm. I had just left my English class and was heading over to Building 13 to meet up with a friend for lunch. I waited out front of the building on the corner, enjoying a cigarette in the beautiful, sunny, near 50 degree weather.

I look over at the crosswalk and I see this pretty little thing talking on her cell phone, walking across the street towards my direction. My eyes were pleased at what they was looking at, but my ears were not ready for what they were about to overhear as she walked by.

"I don't care what Facebook says, I shower."

For those of you wondering, I had a Reuben for lunch, while contemplating what the fuck she said.

Wait....What?

Welcome to Overheard Conversations At College.

This blog will serve the community for the next 18 months, as I post the most ridiculous, off the wall, "what the fuck?" conversations I happen to overhear during my time at Sinclair Community College in Dayton, Ohio.

If I happen to post something that you have said, don't be ashamed. Being featured on this blog is an honor, as you've managed to make me laugh, pissed, shut up in complete and total awe, shove a pen into my ear canal, threaten your/my own life, or just made me feel better about myself.

Don't worry though, I will not post names with my entries. Though, if you are so inclined, feel free to claim your moment of fame in the comments.